Everything But My Hair: Learning To Feel Complete

My alopecia journey started at the age of 19. You know, those important social years when you start going into town and going out with friends. The point where I was starting to decide what on earth I was going to do with my life.

Well, I was ready for a journey, just not this one. My mum noticed a small bald patch on my head. I knew it was there too, but I ignored it thinking it was nothing major. Mum took me straight to the doctors and I was referred to a dermatologist. Back then, you didn’t have to wait for as long as you do now, so I was seen just a few weeks later.

“It’s alopecia areata, you’re stressed. Here’s some steroid cream.” This was what I was told but the problem was I didn’t feel stressed. The steroid cream didn’t work so back to the doctor I went. I was given a psychology test this time, even though I’d told them I wasn’t stressed. It came back with results that showed, psychologically-speaking, I was fine. I was then offered PUVA treatment (a photodynamic therapy that is not regularly used these days for alopecia areata). I was willing to take whatever they offered me even though it involved ultraviolet radiation.

Wow it worked. I was so happy as I was going on holiday to Greece. I had hair for 3 months only for it to fall out again. So, I opted for another round of PUVA and pretty much had the same results. My hair grew back, only for it to fall out after 3 months. I was done with PUVA – the results were no good if they didn’t last. I returned to the hospital and this time the doctor gave me a drug which suppressed my immune system. My hair grew back, but one day I collapsed at a bus stop and ended up in hospital. It turned out that my immune system was so low I had become ill. That was the last straw for me. I stopped with the treatments and dermatology appointments and have not been back since.

That was 35 years ago. I now have alopecia universalis. But I am happy and I feel at peace. I have a wonderful supportive family and a fantastic husband who I only met 11 years ago. I went on online dating just as I was. He said he chose me because I was honest, and he teases me by saying that he also assumed that I wouldn’t take ages to get ready to go out. Ha!

I tried a wig for 6 months and hated it. I’d look in the mirror and not see me. These days, the only time I really miss having hair is when I go to a formal function like a wedding, christening, or party. I buy a new dress, new shoes, new bag but I can’t have my hair done to complete my look. I always feel as if I haven’t finished getting ready.