When faced with something like alopecia, some people find that thoughts pop into their head which aren’t always accurate. It is a perfectly normal to have unhelpful thoughts towards an unusual or new situation. But it's important to challenge these thoughts as otherwise they can lead people to finding it harder to cope with their situation. Remember, you might have been having unhelpful thoughts for a very long time and it can take a lot of practice to start spotting when they pop into your head. 

Here are some examples of the type of unhelpful thoughts that you may have had, together with ways of challenging them:

Everyone is staring at me

Some people might have a fleeting moment of registering that there is someone near them who has a bald/patchy head. They double take – is it a chosen hair style? are you undergoing chemotherapy? A moment of curiosity. And then they move on to the rest of their day. They are unlikely even to remember that they saw you later in the day. It may not have been a 'stare', but more of a longer glance at someone who caught their eye. 

Unfortunately, some people might stare but please be reassured that they are in the minority. And it is a problem they have got – not one you have.

If I haven’t got hair then I can’t be attractive

Anxiety around the way we look is something we all deal with in our lives, hair or no hair. Most people have insecurities regarding something about their appearance. It's true that without hair there may an added level to this anxiety, especially given the way the media portrays beauty standards, for both men and women. However the way we associate hair with beauty is a thing that is changing (just a bit slower than we'd like!). There are many models and celebrities who choose to have short or shaved styles, and there have been people with alopecia in mainstream fashion campaigns. Many celebrities even wear wigs, often for fashion but sometimes because they have hair loss. 

Your friends don’t find you any less or more attractive with alopecia, they love you exactly as you are!

I will never get another boy/girlfriend

You know from stories you may have read on our social media pages and in the press, that people with alopecia do meet partners and have happy relationships just like everyone else.

Does alopecia fundamentally affect relationships and dating? Does hair loss make a difference? Or, if there is a difference, is it that people with alopecia can more commonly experience anxiety, depression and low self-esteem? And is it these issues affecting mental health that impact on our relationships, rather than alopecia itself?

The important thing to remember is that many people with alopecia have variously successful relationships. Alopecia is just a small part of who you are - you are more than your hair loss.

People are talking/laughing about me

These thoughts are understandable because they reflect how you might be feeling, but they aren’t rational. Would you laugh at, or talk about, somebody with a similar appearance? When we feel very sensitive about our appearance, it is easy to think that others are talking, or laughing, about us. 

It might help to talk to friends, or if you think it will be more helpful, ask your doctor to recommend a counsellor with whom you can talk it through. The likelihood is that neither your family and close friends are therapists, and you shouldn’t regard any of their tips as a replacement if you feel you need to speak to a professional. Remember that people close to you could be struggling to come to terms with your alopecia too.